April 24, 2004
Pat Tillman, R.I.P.
I can't count the number of news headlines I scan in a typical day. Back in the recesses of my memory, there was a story about a good NFL player who was quitting football to join the Army Rangers. I didn't pay much attention because it was some guy from Arizona, and not a name I recognized.
It was clear this guy had a lot of conviction, but it seemed like just short break from sports to fulfill an obligation. It was a temporary move, to serve a couple years, before returning to life. To observers, the amazing thing was that he was walking away from riches, prestige, and his family to crawl in the desert for a $17,000 a year. "That takes a lot of conviction," we thought to ourselves, "to walk away from so much money."
Maybe it says something about my generation, but it never occurred to me that he could die. I was only impressed with the change in lifestyle. It didn't register that he was signing up to offer his life in defense of the rest of us.
And yesterday, when I scanned the headlines and saw that he had been killed in a firefight in Afghanistan, I remembered the story. And I was sad. This guy shouldn't have died. He modeled such conviction and bravery; this soldier should've had a triumphant return to his friends, family, and football team. Instead, his reward for his good deeds is to be ambushed and shot to death in the desert a long way from home. This seems terribly unfair.
But Pat Tillman must have known exactly what he was doing when he went to Army Ranger school. This is the riskiest of assignments. And yet, once he joined up we didn't hear anything else about it for a long time. Now we know that this was because he refused all interviews. This was one of the great counter-cultural decisions ever in sports, and he wanted no limelight. This is pure conviction, with utter disregard for the empty values around him.
"Why should we care so much about this guy Pat Tillman," people have asked. "Lots of other soldiers have died." This is true, but Tillman's case--walking away from the life the rest of us envy, then dying as a result--painted very pure pictures of conviction and sacrifice. Regardless of what you think of the war, anyone who chooses pain and suffering on your behalf is a hero. Choosing death and all its abrupt finality is the greatest sacrifice of all.
So this story made me think of Christ. But in all honesty (and a little shame), I was more moved by this story than I was by the Passion of the Christ. I have a few ideas why:
1) The Passion was a movie. True and accurate as it might have been, it's just a movie, and I'm used to thinking of movies as fiction.
2) Christ's death was far from permanent. In 2000 years of hindsight, this seems a smaller price to pay, somehow. I think of it as being 'part of the plan', merely a temporary trial for Christ to undergo before His triumphant return. Pat Tillman will have no triumphant return.
3) I have the benefit (curse) of 28 years of christian doctrine. I'm probably more than a little inoculated to the Gospel.
I find great inspiration in the story of Pat Tillman, yet I tremble and wonder at how I have become so calloused to the story of Christ. Any ideas? Thoughts?
Posted by aokie at April 24, 2004 09:07 PMI've often had the same thought about Jesus' death not being so bad, because he got to be resurrected on the third day. I think it's because we don't understand the mystery of the Trinity. Jesus and the Father had shared perfect fellowship for an eternity before he came to earth. That entire sentence is so full of mystery it makes my head hurt. Then when God punished Sin by punishing his Son, they were separated, infinitely. A breaking of the Trinity. The resurrection is amazing because God overcame that separation, proving he was more powerful than sin and death.
I don't know if that helps, but I found it enlightening to think that Jesus gave up an eternity of perfect fellowship with the Father so I could have perfect fellowhsip with the Father.
And I had the exact same reaction about Pat Tillman. Now what?
Posted by: levy at April 24, 2004 11:51 PMHmmm...so Christ's separation from God only seems temporary because we view everything in time. And you are saying that since they were infinitely joined in fellowship, any break is also infinite? I can sort of follow that but not really comprehend it.
What reaction about Tillman do you mean? Same as mine? Or same as that to Christ?
Posted by: abe at April 25, 2004 11:52 PMI think your first response to why you may be more
moved by Tillman’s story is probably most accurate. It
seems a great temptation to forget or ignore the fact
that Gibson’s movie is above all a piece of art. As
Christians, I think our impulse is to see it for its
emotional, evangelical purposes, which is fine, I
suppose. But for those Christians who do not have
that impulse or for whom it does not evoke the same
emotional stirrings, there should be no guilt. (If
you were not moved by the movie, you are not
necessarily a hard-hearted Christian with no care for
Christ’s death and our subsequent salvation.) Gibson
is an artist, who like any artist has made a rendering
of what is important to him. Not every song you have
written to glorify God has resonated in me, nor will
Gibson’s film resonate with everyone. In addition,
people who do find The Passion to be a meaningful
portrayal of Christ’s death are not necessarily less
callused to the story of Christ. Even if we wail and
gnash our teeth during the movie (and longer, as the
case may be), the chances are great that the images
will fade, as will the conviction we gained by
witnessing these images. Such is the nature of the
fallen human, I believe: We forget. We cannot hold
the magnificence of Christ’s sacrifice in our heads
for very long, at least not in a meaningful way --
especially in this modern, media-drenched society.
God provides us with reminders of (often metaphors
for) the significance of his story -- reminders in
life’s events (such as Tillman), reminders in art
(such as The Passion), reminders in nature (the
paradoxical beauty and power of the ocean), and
reminders in our spirit, our hearts, our thoughts.
One is no more inherently powerful than any other. I
kind of think of it as though God covers his bases,
makes it as impossible as possible for us to miss the
glory of Christ’s resurrection and its meaning, while
also appealing to the different personalities that he
has created. The majority of us from what I can tell
are inoculated to the Gospel; it doesn’t take much
time for it to happen. It doesn’t take much living in
the US (esp. the South) for it to happen. But from
time to time something sparks an ah-ha moment, which
allows us to see a little more clearly, even for a
moment. I find value in that, and as I become more
inoculated to the gospel, as you say, I pray more for
those moments, however they may come. I find great encouragement (and believe that you should find
comfort) in the way you were moved by Tillman’s
sacrifice and death, as I think a lot of the reason
you find meaning in it is because you find meaning in
Christ’s story. I also think that it is easier to
understand the sadness of Tillman’s sacrifice than the paradoxical sadness and joy of Christ’s sacrifice and resurrection, and that’s okay. Fortunately our understanding and emotional response is not necessary, although it is nice to experience from time to time.
That's a good point. I suppose no matter how you look at it, Tillman was a great example of selflessness, and that is a powerful thing, no matter who you are.
There's an interesting interview with his old NFL coach about him, which I now post for your enjoyment (from CNNSI Monday Morning QB). I appreciate any guy who makes millions yet rides his bike to work:
MMQB: What are your memories of Pat leaving to join the Army Rangers?
McGinnis: "When he first came in to talk to me about his decision (early in 2002), I said, 'Pat, this is going to garner a lot of attention.' He didn't understand. He said, 'There's young men and women all over the country doing this. Why should I be any different?' He never saw himself as anyone different. But as we all know, he catapulted himself to another level.''
MMQB: In your conversations with Pat, do you think he wanted to ever be a football player again?
McGinnis: "Pat Tillman had every intention of coming back into the National Football League.''
MMQB: Why was Pat such a charismatic person?
McGinnis: "He was a very, very real person. He was outspoken. He had very definite ideas. He put on no airs, for anyone. Pat rode a bicycle to work his first year in the league. He wore his hair long. He really appealed to the young kids. He never, ever wanted to be singled out. He was proud to be a member of the Cardinals, and proud to be a member of his new team, the Army Rangers. When he became a free agent (early in 2002), he had a chance to sign elsewhere [St. Louis] for more money, but he chose to stay with us out of loyalty to the Cardinals. That's the way he lived his life. Then he decided to join the Rangers.''
Posted by: abe at April 27, 2004 11:24 AMremember when your blog used to be a forum for intelligent thought instead of a glorified birthday card?
the demise has been swift and saddening.
please rectify the situation. and fast.