Noli Me Tangere

H2O

I'd like to announce that I've found a cure for common blogger's block: the Atlanta Water Services Division. They are guaranteed to clear it up in no time, which is nice because their other services pretty much suck.

You see, the city of Atlanta contends that in October 2004, we used no water. The meter reading was "0". Then, thanks to an ambitious shower schedule, we were able to make up for that in November by using OVER $800 OF WATER. It was a tremendous achievement on our part to use that much water in a single month. Just a remarkable recovery, really.

Sometime yesterday our water was shut off for not paying this bill in full. Within an hour, a notice arrived in the mail informing us of the impending disconnect. Gee, thanks but this information might've been more useful to me YESTERDAY.

A call was placed immediately and the recording said, "Your call is very important to us and will be answered as soon as possible. Your wait time is: 9 minutes." Forty-five minutes later, my wait time had dwindled all the way down to: 9 minutes. So I hung up and called back, which was a big mistake, as I only got busy signals from then on. I called some other numbers at the water dept:

Abe: I need to see about getting my service reconnected.
Customer Disservice: You have to call 658-6500 for Atlanta Water.
Abe: I did, about 80 times. It's busy. I think it's broken.
Customer Disservice: I'm sorry that's the only number I have for the Water dept.
Abe: Well, how should I proceed? What do you suggest I do??
Customer Disservice: You have to call 658-6500.
Abe: That doesn't work. You work for the same agency! Can't you refer me to someone??
Customer Disservice: I don't know what to tell you, sir.

I'm an easy-going guy, but my blood was boiling by the time walked through security at the Facilities building downtown. Now I understand why they have such tight security; I really wanted nothing more than to leave a massive pipe bomb in that lobby. While waiting in line I imagined them telling me they could not help me today and I would have to come back tomorrow and I would calmly inform them that no ma'am, I am not leaving until I talk to someone who can help and if they don't like that they're going to have to get that lazy, tub-of-lard security guard over there come and try to carry me away in handcuffs because otherwise I'm going to sit right here in front of you and look you in the eye until you admit that you are screwing your customers and that the ONLY reason you still have any customers at all is that they've go nowhere else to go. Also, I think your phone system is broken.

Fortunately it didn't come to that, but we still have no water, despite their promise to reconnect. We are appealing the bill, but it's not even an issue of whether or not we could have possibly used $800 worth of water in one month. It's a question of how Abe can prove to an uncaring bureaucratic entity that we did not. The answer is: he cannot prove it. That's the saddest part about this ordeal is the feeling of real powerlessness. Getting screwed is bad enough; getting screwed by someone who couldn't care less is much, much worse.

Meanwhile I will reacquaint myself with the joy of sponge-bathing.

Posted by aokie at February 24, 2005 01:35 PM