Noli Me Tangere

The first would be better, especially since it can be answered with a simple (hopefully humble) thank you.

The second is like saying, "The sky is blue." Yes, I have some talent/gifts. That's a plain fact. All I can do is blush or say something cheesy but true like "It's all God."

Like in the parable of the talents, action is what counts. We get the talent for free--we have to earn the Master's compliment of "well done."

Am I "correct"?

i prefer "you have a nice ass."

everybody prefers that, ms. daisy. the question then becomes whether you'd prefer "you have a nice ass" or, uh, "you've done a really good job on that ass."

i prefer: "i really enjoyed the performance."
i don't particularly want some random schmoe's judgement on whether or not i did a good job. i am a well trained musician! i KNOW if i did a good job or not---what i want to know is did you like it?
(that said, compliments of any kind are nice assuming they come from a kind place. Not the "well, you are finally beginning to conquer your fear of long phrases" place.)

Definitely B, so I can be lazy and still be affirmed.

What do those 2 compliments even mean? “You’ve done a good job” is pretty vague and “you’re talented” is purely based on opinion. The most meaningful compliment would be “I was really moved by your performance” or something like that, because it goes beyond a clinical analysis of what happened to the fact that a connection was made. And, personally, that’s what I want to occur in a perfomance: connection. Who cares if it was good or if you’re gifted if no one is affected by it.

I agree with B to a point. Because, even lousy artists can connect. Artistically ingnorant ears can feel connection without real talent or giftedness--this we see everyday in our media driven culture where the nice "ass" compliment is most prized. I think it's all of them together. The gift is God's calling and purpose, "doing a good job" is the obedience to that calling--doing the best with what you've been given, and the connection is God's ultimate purpose. Thus to hear any of these compliments alone, feels incomplete.

i wasn't necessarily talking about a performance of some sort. let's just say it's some project, whether musical, athletic, administrative, whatever.

some of you didn't follow instructions. you are not allowed to make up new, better compliments. the point was whether people would prefer to have their work or their selves affirmed. compliment A praises the effort and results, as in "congratulations". compliment B praises the individual, and amounts to something more like "you're special".

personally, i'd cherish the latter because it seems to be saying more. but i wondered if that was self-centered of me.

abe,
you are very gifted/talented.

I'd go with "C, none of the above." To be valued because of what I've done or what my talents are is not God's way with us.

A Biblical reinforcement of self-esteem is: I love you. A healthy biblical self-esteem is not, "I am a good person," but "I am a loved person."

Saying "you're talented" is kind of like saying "your eyes are blue." it isnt' really a compliment is it? more a commentary.

if we have to choose, i say option A---i guess i think it is not the gifts you have but what you do with them that matters.

* if it was either, it'd have to be more specific. sad thing is most compliments are fillers/social mandates. but i guess that's demanding.

Very insightful question, Abe. If I had to choose, I'd say . . . A. Why? Not sure. B is affirming of my gifts, but A says something about what I've done. I have students that are very gifted (which I can affirm) but are committed underachievers. I can't say "A" to them.

I would definitely prefer B--of course, all of that stuff about being fully beloved and hidden with Christ in God is true, etc...

But its nice for people to recognize my talent. : )

By the way, when are you going to update this thing? Inquiring minds want to know!

See you at my wedding...