The question at hand is, "what do I owe her"?
I've been set up with a few girls lately. My friends, most of them married, have taken pity upon my bachelor soul and attempted to mate me with women they know that they deem "a good match" for me. Nevermind that some of these matchmakers know me as well as they know the back of their heads. So what it amounts to, more or less, is a blind date. Sometimes I know a little about the girl, sometimes not. But we're definitely starting from scratch.
So I go along, initiate some non-threatening shared activity like a concert, or some church function, and we begin some dialogue. Admittedly, I'm skeptical of such beginnings. "What are the chances of this being something worthwhile?" I ask myself. Nevertheless, I go along, in part out of dutiful trust in my friends, and part because I believe cliches like:
"What have I got to lose?"
"You never know."
"This will be good for you."
But invariably I come home to my bachelor roomates and have this exchange:
Bachelor #1: "so how was it?"
Bachelor #2: "uhh...it was ok."
Bachelor #1: "what did you think of her?"
Bachelor #2: "she's cool, i guess. seems like a nice girl."
Bachelor #1: "is she hot?"
Bachelor #2: "she's pretty cute, i guess."
Bachelor #1: "think you'll go out with her again?"
Bachelor #2: "uhh..i don't know."
There's nothing wrong with the girls. They're not shrill or grotesque or unsavory. But the question that must be answered is: after one or two dates, if I'm not real excited about seeing her again, what do I need to do? Do I need to explain to her that I don't see the paths aligning? Do I just quietly fade from view? Make up some story that my aunt in Estonia is ill and that I'll be gone for a while?
The honest answer seems like too much information. If we have no shared life, no shared community or special interests, no raging animal attraction, spending time together feels like a colossal waste of time, like a day-long interview with a company you'd never work for. So the facts, ma'am, are such:
-you live too far away and have your own life and we won't see each other without making special effort.
-i can't see any defining, strategic reason for us to hang out. i can't help you get into nursing school and you can't help me become a better musician.
-i'm just not that attracted to you. not enough to make me irrationally forget other reasons not to hang out with you.
On the one hand, I feel I owe her an honest explanation. On the other, why break up if you were never together? Maybe I can employ some christian cop-outs like, "I just don't feel the Lord's leading" and such. I guess it's tough to create a relationship in a vacuum, and friendship is critical to the long-term health of the relationship. And as C.S Lewis observed, friendship is about a something else, a shared love or appreciation of something beyond ourselves.
I've been posting for a few weeks now. But I still don't know who you people are. I suspect some of you (like Josiah) went to school with my brother Tom. But still, if I'm reading your blogs and you're reading mine, I'd like to know who you are. If this is supposed to be a communally constructive venture, background is helpful. As in:
abraham s. okie
27
buckhead
5' 11"
GA Tech
single
account manager ---> worship leader
italian food
rocknroll
O Positive
This is my tribute to the man we all know as "Levy" (pronounced Leh - vee). Yesterday was his birthday, but since the first day of you life is pretty much spent just pooping and crying, I'm celebrating Levy on the day after his birth. 26 years ago today, he began the path to becoming a productive human being.
So indulge me a moment while I toast the man:
-Jon Levy is a man of exquisite taste, from Radiohead to import beers, to the Simpsons, Levy has cultivated appreciation for all things satirical, clever, and sophisticated. He even reads The Economist. Not just looks at the pictures, but reads it!
-Jon Levy is a what I call a "revolutionary singer". By this I mean that his singing starts revolutions. Also, he sings like no other man. He's a crooner and a shrieker rolled into one, and he finds harmonies that no other ear can hear. He finds harmonies that don't even EXIST! That's just the kind of musician he is.
-Jon Levy has evolved into what I call "a decent family man" which is a tribute to his growth and God's grace. When I met him, he was a disheveled student who drove a beat-up Samurai and worked nights at UPS. And he sometimes went to raves. Now he's made the transition to "husband" and "expectant father" and "reliable employee" with aplomb. He'll still go to Radiohead concerts, but only if it's okay with his glowing wife, Ashley.
-Jon Levy has the best laugh IN THE WORLD.
All this to say, I'm glad he's still in my life and that even though he's getting old, he's still a pretty interesting guy and a good friend to boot.
Happy (day after) Birthday, Levy!
I just read Maphet's blog with the link to the "disturbing" clip of what appears to be a Spock music video. Yes, it's not a well-known fact, but Leonard Nimoy actually built a side career as a crooner after the pop success of the Star Trek franchise. Or maybe he didn't so much as build a career as he put out several mystifying albums, each topping the previous for sheer awfulness. I found out about this musical treasure trove via The Most Annoying Music Show on NPR. And it just makes you wonder: how many wooden, amusical sci-fi actors have put out great music like this that just goes COMPLETELY IGNORED by TRL?
As it turns out, there's at least one other: none other than Nimoy's co-star William Shatner! Yes, Capt. James T. Kirk can sing. Well no, he can't. But that didn't stop him from making "The Transformed Man", which is described in my liner notes as, "...a bewildering collision of Dylan, Shakespeare and the Beatles narrated over a strangely disconnected free-for-all..."
Anyway, based on the recommendation from the Most Annoying Music Show, I bought a CD called "Spaced Out: The Very Best of Nimoy & Shatner", which is every bit as senseless and dreadful as it sounds. Among the notable covers are, "If I Had a Hammer", "Mr. Tambourine Man" and "I Walk the Line". Shatner also contributes a terrifying rendition of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", which by itself is enough to necessitate heavy consumption of LSD (to borrow from the old Beatles urban legend). Shatner is not so much a singer as he is an interpreter, which affords him the freedom to do away with all melody and most rhythm. He's a true artiste that way.
Another standout is Nimoy's "Highly Illogical", a Vulcan's humorous take on the crazy antics of earthlings:
take the case of your automobiles/
greatest invention since man discovered wheels/
double-barrelled carburetors rush you into place/
but you never can find a PARKING PLACE -- highly illogical!
The liner notes are hilarious, and it's not clear whether the superlatives are sincere or tongue-in-cheek. A few gems:
-Once Star Trek was cancelled, Nimoy "could pursue his unique blend of cabaret-style showmanship and sincere soul-searching unfettered".
-Shatner apparently released a double LP live album ("a stimulating memento of his dramatic narratives").
-"Discover Bill's staggering interpretations of 'Mr. Tambourine Man' and 'Lucy...' and you'll get a pretty good handle on his evocative style."
The real question here is how these albums came to be. Did the Universal Music execs actually have a meeting when they said, "we've got to get a record of Spock singing 'Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town'. That would sell like hot cakes."? Was it simply hubris on the part of Shatner and Nimoy that enabled them to project the success of Star Trek onto a possible music career? Or is it all some kind of industry in-joke on those most devoted trekkies who'll buy anything Trekish? That, to me, is the only explanation for having Spock sing a song like "I'd Love Making Love to You".
Anyway, it's a pleasure to listen to this CD and to marvel in it's badness. Apalling in its amusicality, it's a true artistic nadir, a towering monument of poor judgement and aesthetic awfulness.
One of the other divisions here at JP sought to introduce a new product to their customers. Their current line consisted of something called "NAS-Type" and something called "NAI-Type", so they wanted to call the new product "NAD-Type".
Can you forsee any problems with this product name?
The Americans in the office had a couple interventive meetings to keep the Japanese from going to market under that name. Then the Japanese in our office had to explain the situation to the bigwigs in Japan, which they did with this mysterious letter (movabletype only displays the engrish portions):
> 八重畑殿
>
> 大日本の新カバーテープご紹介有難うございます。
>
> いきなりでなんですが、"NAD"という名前は変えた方がいいかもしれませんw)。
> NAD/NADSというのは、こちらのスラングで如何わしいものを意味します。
> （Oh, She got pissed, and, kicked my nads!!!などが例です）
>
> さて名前はさておき本題ですが、現在NAIを納入している客先及び新規客先w)
> ですが、添付ファイルを参照願います。 AVXは、AH-Typeを現在、オファーしており、彼らからの返答待ちです。
> 価格レベルを考えると大日本品は無理でしょう。
>
> ERIC経由で掘り起こしてみる価値はあるかと思いますので大日本には一応、
> ノミネートしておいてください。
>
> Masahiko Sato
> Electronics Division Manager
> Japan Pulp & Paper(USA)Corporation
After an extensive classified search, I found a used washer/dryer set for $100. I asked the man on the phone, "are they both fully functional?" He assured me everything worked perfectly. Then I went to pick them up. A plump, hairy man with no shirt met me in the driveway and shook my hand. That's when the trouble started...
As I examined the machines, I asked him more pointedly, "Does every function on these work properly?"
"Yes," came the reply from behind the beard. He looked me in the eye, so I believed him. I bought the set.
But the dryer produces no heat. I spins and spins but you have to run it for 24 hours to dry a load at room temperature. So I have two questions:
1) Does anybody know where to begin trying to find/fix the problem?
2) Could I be prosecuted for egging this guy's house, or stealing his fridge, or cutting his beard while he sleeps?
The controllers we've had at JP are hilarious. The guy we have now is a real scream, and the old one had his moments also. He had a way with words, as demonstrated in this classic letter:
Oct. 12, 2000
Dear [redacted].
How are you? I am Akio Ando. I met you at the concert of Keiko Matsui last week. Her performance was really wonderful and I enjoyed it very much. I am sure you and your wife also had a good time!
Now your picture is enclosed. I am sending two pieces. You are very handsome and your wife is very very beautiful. I hope you like this picture.
Also thank you very much for your taking a picture of me with Keiko Matsui. It is a good memory for me.
You have a great life with your wife.
See you again.
Best regards,
[redacted]
Actually, there have been lots of funny emails that I got in my time at JP. Not all of them were from the Japanese. These are stories that grow funnier with time and have now earned a place in the hallowed annals of JP lore.
My colleague, who now works for Bellsouth, was sending a report to the head office in Tokyo when he made a rather unfortunate Fruedian slip. I was minding my own business when I got the email, in which he reported that the customer was "ejaculating a roll of the 125gram paper"...a little different connotation than "evaluating".
What's worse is who rec'd it: our entire division, our boss, the VP, the entire division in Tokyo, including the section director. Needless to say, this prompted all sorts of responses like "they must be really excited about our paper." Poor guy had me write an apology for him along the lines of "spellcheck corrected to the wrong word. what a crazy program! ha ha!"
Another time, we got an email from the logistics department in Tokyo informing us rather nonchalantly that our order should be cancelled because "the vessel sank". Do you respond with 'thanks for the info', or condolences, or what?
I'm quitting my job. I gave notice over a week ago and this friday is supposed to be my last day. But now proposals have been made, meetings have been had, and I've offered some part time help for a while to ease the transition. But now I don't know if I've quit or not. And apparently, I'm a big pansy.
I never knew quitting could be so complicated. My HR manager gave me a thick stack of paperwork on incentive plans, retroactive insurance options, 401K rollover plans, and the like. It's harder to quit my job than it was to start. Maybe that's intentional.
But today I realized that in my zeal to secure some additional income I may have forfeited my severance package. Or have I? The company normally pays out a nice sum to a resigning employee, but now that I may just shift to part-time, am I actually quitting? Do I get the fat check or not? I've got a feeling I'll getting screwed in all this.
Also, the VP called me into his office today to ask why I'm leaving. He was surprised and thought it very sudden. I told him it was because of the new opportunity, I have no specific complaints about the company, blah blah blah. Shortly after leaving his office, I wondered why I didn't tell him how unappreciated I felt by the company. I didn't question why I hadn't been promoted despite 4 years of good evaluations. Either I'm a big wuss, or a weasel. Maybe both.
(this is one of those entries that I question before I'm even done typing. Seems the world would be just fine without the aforementioned words. maybe i shouldn't publish it. oops.)