There are times when life seems to be a blur. Not that I'm so busy, but I'm so occupied with things that I don't notice that life is happening. Like this past month. What have I been doing? I can't really account for all that time passed, but I do find that I lack any real feeling of accomplishment. What do I have to show for my presence on this earth? I've acquired a few more dollars, gave some advice, and shuffled some papers. Inspiring, isn't it?
Yet, my 28th birthday approaches, and will hurl me into what is certainly my late 20's. (27 is still arguable) And so the desire to outline my 'stamp' on this world grows. What mark have I left? What is my legacy? How is the universe different with my having been here? Am I making waves in the cosmic pond? If so, what kind are they?
I don't know that I can really identify any significant effect most of the time. Nothing that really justifies the brief blip my life becomes on the cosmic radar. That's not to say that there is absolutely no purpose; I might pull a pregnant woman from a burning car tonight on the way home. And I really believe that life is no accident, that there is a benevolent Being who in some way watches us and cares for us and even--this is harder to grasp--guides or orchestrates (?)our steps. But for better or for worse, I believe this in the back of my head, not with my hands and feet.
Sometimes I think that having kids would lend my life some meaning because there's another being who needs me, really needs me in the most tangible sense of the word. And it's true that I have no dependents (infantile or otherwise). But I do find that being liked, contrary to popular belief, does not really carry one very far in terms of existential fulfillment. It's fun for a while to try to charm your way up the social ladder, but then you look around and see that your ladder is not leaning against anything.
I suppose the real problem is that I don't know how to evaluate, in a theological/metaphysical sense, what gives life worth. Actually, I probably do. But it's hard to remember and harder to live there. Knowing God and enjoying Him are such esoteric ideas. Is it found in relationships? In shaping public opinion in some way? Is it in bettering the plight of the disadvantaged? Or is it in making beautiful sounds with instruments?
Creed probably has the greatest earnings-to-talent ratio of any band since Poison, but the question "what's this life for?" is a biggie, and well worth asking. Still, I'm a little tired of asking and am ready to move on to the answering part.
Oh, man it's been a while. Sometimes I find that the more I enjoy everyone else's blogs, the less I have time for my own. But here's a great article that manages to raise some good, intelligent points, even while using the word "dork" over and over.
It makes a lot of sense, and reminds me of a story I heard on the news while wandering through LA in a rental car. This sociologist examines why creative productivity tapers off in both scientists and criminals (as well as artists) after the age of 30. He links the drop-off to marriage, or more specifically, the absence of competitive motivators after marriage. Therefore, great scientific, artistic, or criminal acts are just attempts to get attention from girls in hopes of impregnating them. An oversimplification, perhaps. But then again has anyone ever been in a band without recognizing the inherent benefits for one's mating life? Michael Stipe, maybe. But anyone else?
My only concern is that I don't seem to be married or anywhere close to impressing women with my laboratory prowess.