Noli Me Tangere

Thank you, India, Vol. 2

next time he asks me to stay late, i'm going to give him a big punch.

deepak : How are you?
aokie99: good. how are you?
deepak : I am fine.
deepak : how is your work going on?
aokie99: good. but very busy.
deepak : Why are you always busy? Have some time to enjoy your life.
aokie99: i'm busy because i'm at work. i will enjoy tonight a little.
deepak : so what you should not be so much busy. This is not fair.
aokie99: i agree. please send this in an email to my boss.
deepak : You finish your work and then we will chat because i will disturb you. If i will say this to your boss he will give me a big punch.

10 years later

By far the most satisfying times in my life are when things make sense. By this I mean those times when the “whys” have been addressed with clarity. This probably can be traced to an underlying belief in a sovereign Being who has some good idea of what I should be doing on this earth. Nevertheless, sometimes there is disarray, but other times events and people align to spectacular effect and I can stand back and say, “ah…so that’s why”.

I wasn’t looking forward to this reunion. As one-time class president, there was a certain sense of obligation I felt to at least give people the opportunity to get together. I didn’t want to be known as the one who dropped the ball. And of course, if I had any hand in planning it, I would have to attend as well. But the event I envisioned—4 hrs of small talk with people I don’t consider friends and probably wouldn’t see again—was not appealing and seemed like an utter waste. This was wrong, thankfully.

Other than a few extra pounds and more dubious hairlines, most people generally hadn’t changed much. Personalities seemed to be relatively intact, though there were a couple exceptions. Among the surprises: two former wallflowers were now peddling sex and/or related products on the web.

Then there was the guy who we had all written off as beautiful but hopelessly dim, who now seemed set on getting a PhD in philosophy or religion. We had imagined his head full of bong resin and bodybuilding techniques, not existential questions and Christian apologetics. He and I talked for some time about the role of teachers, the essence of the Christian faith, and how we had changed since high school. And we had gone through some similar stages, though on paper we appeared to have nothing in common. I won’t say that the course of my life was permanently altered, but there’s a crucial lesson there that would be reinforced hours later by a sermon on the parable of the sower. It’s true; you never really know where or how the Spirit moves.

The other purpose this evening served was to give a kind of closure to the past. This particular fella had been a friend of mine in elementary school, though we lost touch in our teens. It felt right to be friends as adults. Others I had simply not contacted since graduation, and it felt right to be friends again. There was even this guy, who had been a friend in childhood, but who I hadn’t seen in probably 20 years. He’s now engaged to the girl who grew up across the street from me. Small town.

There is something suspect about the way I up and left after high school without looking back. My path out of Warner Robins was littered with a strange mix of pride and shame—proud to move on, but sorry that I had not been better. And in re-entering that mini-society, some peace was made. I don’t regret those years as much, nor do I feel such need to distance myself from those people. I was those people, and we were friends. And maybe I wasn’t a good friend, but this reprisal means I have tomorrow to do better.

All this navel-gazing aside, it was loads o' fun, though I found it hard to relax with aero-killing machines a few feet away. Nothing says "good times with old friends" like a retired SR-71.

Thank you, India

Just about one year ago I was on a train between Dehradun and Delhi when the kid who had been sitting nervously next to me finally spoke up and asked:

"you are from states?"

He went on to query me about American jobs, girls, motorcycles, colleges, and for better or worse he seemed to carry all the typical misconceptions Indians have about Americans (wealthy, sophisticated, promiscuous). At the train station, I gave him my email address and said goodbye, but never heard from him again.

Until last week, when I got a sudden Instant Msg from "cool_alone_guy:

cool_alone_guy (1:52:56 PM): are you abe okie
aokie99 (1:53:06 PM): yes. who are you?
cool_alone_guy (1:53:32 PM): I am deepak
cool_alone_guy (1:58:51 PM): Are you from usa
aokie99 (1:58:55 PM): yes.
cool_alone_guy (1:59:55 PM): Had you remembered me
cool_alone_guy (2:01:02 PM): i think so that you are director or md of the company

Turns out, Deepak was alive and well, and still thought I was a CEO, despite my claims to the contrary. He’s quite a student of the American way and is curious about every aspect of my life, never missing an opportunity to ask probing questions. Cross-cultural dialogue is always humorous, but when you add over-earnestness and the boldness engendered by cyber-anonymity you've got a recipe for comedy.

cool_alone_guy (3:50:24 PM): are you intrested in me
cool_alone_guy (3:50:47 PM): for doing a friendship with me
cool_alone_guy (3:51:25 PM): do you feel boarded to chat to me
cool_alone_guy (3:52:56 PM): Are you busy
cool_alone_guy (3:53:20 PM): I think that i am disturbing you
cool_alone_guy (3:53:33 PM): in your work
aokie99 (3:53:35 PM): no. it's okay.
cool_alone_guy (3:54:12 PM): are you busy
cool_alone_guy (3:54:23 PM): right now
aokie99 (3:54:30 PM): yes. sometimes. but i have some time for a little chat.
cool_alone_guy (3:55:01 PM): can i become your friend
cool_alone_guy (3:55:50 PM): pls answer me
aokie99 (3:56:10 PM): yes. it's good to have one friend in india.
cool_alone_guy (3:56:58 PM): i am very happy to chat with you.

cool_alone_guy (4:02:03 PM): do you have any girl friend and any affairs
aokie99 (4:03:05 PM): i go out with some girls sometimes. but no serious girlfriend right now. do you have a girlfriend?
cool_alone_guy (4:03:39 PM): I have friends
aokie99 (4:03:48 PM): i see.
cool_alone_guy (4:04:13 PM): how can you see

cool_alone_guy (12:03:42 AM): I feel gilty disturbing you
aokie99 (12:04:05 AM): it's okay
cool_alone_guy (12:04:47 AM): you have much work and hard work
cool_alone_guy (12:04:54 AM): to do now
cool_alone_guy (12:06:46 AM): You are the head of your company
cool_alone_guy (12:10:43 AM): Are you busy
cool_alone_guy (12:20:19 AM): Are you sleeping
aokie99 (12:21:48 AM): not yet.
cool_alone_guy (12:26:49 AM): You were not replying
cool_alone_guy (12:28:30 AM): Are you busy
cool_alone_guy (12:29:05 AM): you can send me the photos of us
cool_alone_guy (12:29:16 AM): on my id
cool_alone_guy (12:49:12 AM): Had you gone to Sleep

cool_alone_guy (11:49:54 AM): how many person are in your family
aokie99 (11:50:05 AM): 6
aokie99 (11:50:17 AM): plus 2 in-laws.
cool_alone_guy (11:51:29 AM): how many sisters do you have
aokie99 (11:51:37 AM): 2
cool_alone_guy (11:52:34 AM): Are they marryed
aokie99 (11:52:41 AM): one of them is.
cool_alone_guy (11:53:26 AM): You can live without them
cool_alone_guy (11:55:55 AM): You can
aokie99 (11:56:35 AM): i don't live with them.
cool_alone_guy (11:57:16 AM): but can you manage to live without them
aokie99 (11:57:41 AM): what do you mean?
cool_alone_guy (11:57:45 AM): they dont cry.
aokie99 (11:57:54 AM): no.
aokie99 (11:57:58 AM): not usually.
cool_alone_guy (11:58:35 AM): you dont feel that you should with your parents

cool_alone_guy (9:43:27 AM): Do you have any sexual relation with some one
aokie99 (9:43:36 AM): not right now.
aokie99 (9:43:49 AM): i am looking for a wife.
cool_alone_guy (9:44:36 AM): good
aokie99 (9:44:49 AM): do you have a girlfriend?
cool_alone_guy (9:45:05 AM): yes
aokie99 (9:45:29 AM): really. for how long?
cool_alone_guy (9:46:40 AM): it had been from last 1 and half year part
aokie99 (9:46:55 AM): apart? not together?
cool_alone_guy (9:47:38 AM): yes not to gather
aokie99 (9:48:15 AM): is it too early to have sex?
cool_alone_guy (9:49:09 AM): I not yet done any sex yet
aokie99 (9:49:30 AM): good. it's better to wait.
cool_alone_guy (9:49:45 AM): in us sex is common.
cool_alone_guy (9:50:53 AM): to do with any one
aokie99 (9:51:06 AM): for some people.
aokie99 (9:51:25 AM): but the people on TV and movies are wilder than most.
cool_alone_guy (9:52:25 AM): Do you see any blew picture
aokie99 (9:52:34 AM): what?
cool_alone_guy (9:53:09 AM): the necked movie
aokie99 (9:53:22 AM): naked movie? pornography?
cool_alone_guy (9:53:55 AM): in which the sex is shown open
aokie99 (9:55:53 AM): no, i try to avoid.
cool_alone_guy (9:56:03 AM): Why
aokie99 (9:56:04 AM): this is a waste.
cool_alone_guy (9:56:49 AM): yes it is the waste but some times for entertainment
cool_alone_guy (10:01:34 AM): What happen are you busy

cool_alone_guy (8:47:56 AM): Hi
cool_alone_guy (2:28:58 PM): Hi
cool_alone_guy (2:29:34 PM): hiiiiiiiiii
cool_alone_guy (2:30:42 PM): Are you there
cool_alone_guy (2:51:04 PM): Hi
cool_alone_guy (2:51:27 PM): Wan a chat
aokie99 (2:56:54 PM): i'm about to leave for the store.
aokie99 (2:57:01 PM): i'll be back later.
cool_alone_guy (2:57:29 PM): After how many hours
cool_alone_guy (2:58:08 PM): Tell me pls
cool_alone_guy (3:00:14 PM): Had you gone
cool_alone_guy (3:00:23 PM): or still there
cool_alone_guy (11:58:05 PM): Hi

The Songs of Abe

Listen up. I'm only going to say this once.

I reserved a spot on download.com. For quite a while I've wished I had an easy way to disseminate songs to far-flung friends and family who've expressed interest. Hopefully this will be that. Of course, to do this you have to have a bio and names for your songs.

I'll be rotating these over time and will let you know when the selections change. The three that are currently posted are fairly old, but some new ones will come soon. That's Josh Babcock playing drums on GA and B2B. And I played Matt Twitty's strat on GA. And GA is not about my life.

I've put a little link to the site (http://music.download.com/abeokie) under Linkarrhea. I also welcome feedback on the songs, so long as it is overwhelmingly positive (the ego of the artiste is fragile and must be sheltered so he can continue to create unafraid).

Enjoy!

Happiness is a Glowing Goblet

Chris enjoys his new Lord of the Rings Goblet (Strider edition), a special birthday gift from the Frilingi.

Spam Justice

This is justice.

(thanks to gosey for the link)

A Blog for the Ages

My pastor and his family are vacationing in Greece. His 7-year old son has started a blog. This is something that could really catch on and become a real phenomenon because it's that good.

Warning: this is unusually cute.

http://summeringreece.blogspot.com/

adventures in house sitting - day 7

I've been preoccupied with housesitting so to hold you over I've arranged a guest blog. These guys can't type, so they dictated to me. I think you'll find their perspective real enlightening; they've some strong opinions about crucial issues like sniffing and petting.

My name is Myles. I never knew my dad, but my mom was a Chow. There's a man in my house who keeps trying to take pictures of me. It sort of freaks me out. As long as he has that flasher in his hand, I can't relax, I can't eat.

My common-law wife Millie and I like to go into the backyard. When I'm out there, I enjoy sniffing and peeing on as many things as I can. Sometimes Millie gets excited and yaps at my ears and I have to put her back in her place.

I drink a lot of water. My other hobbies include shedding and leaving hair on things. Also I like to shed.

My name is Millie. I am certifiably crazy. Because I was not petted as a puppy, I need to be loved. All the time. If I'm not being petted, scratched, or rubbed, I'm not happy. The only thing I don't like about you petting me is the part when you stop. Petting should not end.

There's a man in my house. I like to watch him eat. I don't know why. I follow him everywhere and try to position my head near his hands to increase the probability of being petted. Even an accidental petting can hold me over between real pettings. Sometimes he'll use his hands to write or push buttons, but frankly this seems like a waste of hands that could be used to pet me.

He lets me out into the backyard. I like to go out, but if he doesn't come with me, I GET SO SAAAAAD!!! I can't bear the sorrow of seeing him on the other side of the window for 10 seconds. It's TOO MUCH PAIN for any dog to bear! O, the tragedy!! After all, if he's inside and I'm out, how is he supposed to pet me?

My hobbies are being petted, bounding in circles like a bull, being petted, smelling things, and also being petted. If it's comprised of atoms, I love to sniff it. Again and again. Also, I really love being petted. Pet me. Pet me now. Pet me or I'll stick my my cold, wet nose in your armpit while you sleep.

The Riordan Non-Controversy

I just saw some footage of this 'shocking' incident. Some of the uproar appears to have died down by now, but frankly I'm amazed at the attention it got. After reading about the comment, I, like many others, thought "what was this guy thinking?" But after seeing the footage, and the atomosphere, and the reaction of the kids, I shook my head at the power of the press. What a waste of journalism.

I don't know anything about this Riordan guy and have no reason to defend him, but anybody present would say that this was a non-issue. That he said her name meant "stupid dirty girl" was about on par with calling her a "darnit head" or a "poopie-doopie". At worst, it amounted to an odd choice of words, but this was a harmless tease, and the kids were immediately amused.

It's funny how a written account of something takes a certain shape in your mind, and how far that can be from the actual events. Please promise me you will read the news with an open mind.

What's funny is that a state assemblyman actually scheduled a big civil rights protest before learning that actually the girl was as aryan as they come.

adventures in house sitting - day 1

5 minutes after moving in, i began to do what i swore i would not: i engage in conversation with the dogs. i ask them questions. i use complex sarcasm. i insult them. why do i bother? i always get the same response no matter what i say.

A: "millie, you're a headcase."
M: (blank face. tail wagging.)

A: "myles, where did i put my keys?"
M: (blank face. tail wagging.)

A: "millie, you are one ugly bitch (literally) and everyone hates you."
M: (blank face. tail wagging.)

i never thought i'd say this, but myles seems to be the mellow one. millie is a bundle of energy, ADD, and energy. she gets so taken by her excitement that so she bounds back and forth, unable to decide how expend it. she is high-maintenance and hates to be away from me. both of them are sweet, and are starting to like me more than they like amy and julia.

however, i want to say that if i let you out, that is your cue to relieve yourself. do not nuzzle me at 4am to let you out, because i gave you ample opportunity when i was awake. ample opportunity. you have to go when you have the chance. and that goes for the dogs, also. (ba-dump tssss)

Dude, where's my parking lot?

I love living in Buckhead much more than I like Buckhead itself. Today I could walk out my door and, without starting a car, be at the starting line of the Peachtree Road Race and the launch pad of the Lenox Square fireworks within 5 minutes.

Of course, the flipside is that I was awakened 7:25AM by “Ticket to Ride” and a helicopter which seemed to be landing on my roof. I looked out my front door and saw a sea of people, all with these pieces of paper hanging on their shirts, like some kind of cattle drive of the badly dressed.

Then things were quiet until around 6pm, when the area began to fill up again, so I walked over to Lenox to see about the fuss. There were all kinds of people filing in, filling up any flat surface with a view of the sky, including a family in burkhas, teens, baby boomers, and an outlaw in a do-rag and a faded t-shirt that said, “Jerry Springer ‘Too Hot for TV’ Security Detail”. The streets were unnavigable, and had I suddenly gone into labor, I would have been in trouble. (This was a risk I was willing to take.)

[The funny thing is, it wasn’t until I got home and viewed this picture on my computer that I realized Chris McDaniel was in it. Can you spot him?]

At the Lenox/Peachtree intersection, you could look from the sidewalk down onto the back of a stage set up for live music. While a band played Abba covers, I could see the sidestage area—not 50 feet away—and there she was, ladies and gentlemen, your Diana DeGarmo. She was hidden from the crowd and was trying her darnedest to stay perky in the heat and humidity. (She is nothing if not perky.) She kept making little adjustments to the bust of her patriotic outfit while her mom fussed with her hair. Some people near me caught her eye with some frantic waving. She waved back, but that pageant smile came and went with robotic efficiency and she generally looked miserable. Then I felt badly for her. She’s just a 17-yr old girl who probably feels like a monkey in a cage sometimes, constantly goaded to perform for onlookers. I wouldn’t blame her if she thought of her fans as idiots.

Celebrity worship is such a strange phenomenon. I fall into it too (though not necessarily with Diana DeGarmo) but when I step back momentarily it becomes mind-numbingly stupid. Why do I care that Britney is engaged? Does this have any bearing on my life at all?

Then, as if to drive home the arbitrary and fleeting nature of fame, the Spin Doctors took the stage. I wondered what happend to those guys. Apparently it was not kryptonite, but actually a pocket full of lame rock clichés.

But I digress. The real highlight of the evening was what it was supposed to be. I haven’t been wowed by fireworks in years, but these were big and loud and creative and they were so close. They set off car alarms and scared children. They sometimes hit the sides of the high-rises nearby. It’s also interesting to watch people when they are genuinely awed by something. We’re such a jaded society that nothing really thrills us anymore, but these oohs and ahs were real.

And it made me think of our national anthem. We’ve all heard it so much that we no longer hear it. The words have become like “El Emeno Pee” in our consciousness, but they’re really a pretty grim picture of war. I imagine if you were there watching real explosions ripping things apart, the song might not seem so glib. The third verse gets even more gritty:

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:

People say it’s not a good anthem, it has too much range, it’s hard to sing, but I like the words. Written from a place of bitter hope. It’s an anthem with bite, poetry that a gun fanatic can like.

And nothing makes me prouder on this day than knowing that somewhere in this great land, people are trying to cram as many hot dogs into their gullet as they possibly can. Oh, wait, I guess the Japanese beat us at that also.

Happy belated Independence Day, everyone.

only in dreams

I wonder should I tell her. Would she think it was a little weird? Inappropriate? Would she be freaked out?

In your dreams you often find yourself in situations, but the supporting details--how you got there, why are you there--are missing. So it makes for very far-fetched, disconnected scenarios with no explanation.

Last night I dreamt that one of my good female friends went to the bathroom. For some reason, I went in there with her. For the record, I've never seen or heard her go to the bathroom, and in fact she’s the type of girl that I imagine never does “#2”. But there I was crouched on the tile while she sat on the commode and "took care of business". She took care of a lot of business.

There was no explanation for how this came about, but my impression was that we were chained together and had no choice. Oddly enough, it really wasn’t that awkward. I made a witty comment about what a mess she was making and she let out a hearty laugh then wiped.

I have a friend who had a very vivid sexual dream about a mutual friend of ours. In real life, he’s not attracted to her, but in the dream you would never know it. And the next few times he saw her it was weird for him. Most of us can probably relate. You feel that, since they participated in the dream, they have knowledge of what you dreamt. He was ready for her to acknowledge it at any point: “Listen, about last night…”

Now I wonder if it will be awkward next time I see my bathroom friend. I'm afraid that we'll be conversing normally and that mental image will suddenly return. “Poor girl,” I’ll say to myself while she babbles on unaware. “Doesn’t she know I saw her poop last night?”

It really makes me marvel at the fickly imaginative powers of my brain. Funny how it can be so devoid of original ideas while awake then with no effort serve up something like this. If only I could be so original while awake. If only I could harness this creative power for this blog.